"Hello."She answered hastily, juggling the phone on her shoulder, her purse, headphones, while taking off her jacket.
"Hello, Kat Boyd?" said a familiar voice, strong and masculine.
"Yes, this is she," her tone was expectant, ready for the big fuck you if it was a telemarketer.
"Hi! I'm calling from Children Who Drop Off the Face of the Earth from No One But Their Parents? Someone was wandering if you were ever going to call your father?"
She smiled. "Hi, Daddy." She dropped her purse and headphones gently onto the ottoman and let her jacket fall wherever. With her free hand, she held the phone straightening her neck.
"Hello, beautiful daughter. How are you?" he smiled. She could hear his smile while he talked.
"I'm good! I just got home from work." She paced habitually not realizing.
"You're working? Where are you working?" He had stopped smiling.
"The Oregon Convention center. In the garage."
"You're in Oregon?"
"Yeah, Daddy, I moved here last month," she said it as though he already knew even though she knew he didn't.
"Well. Were you ever going to talk to me?" the disappointment seeped through the phone.
"Of course. I just, um, forgot to call, that's all," she stopped in front of the window looking down to the street.
"We all forget, it's ok. I'm sorry."
"It's all right, Daddy." There was a pause and neither really knew what to say. She looked up at her ceiling biting her lip praying he'd say something first.
"I just wanted to call and see how you were and to hear your voice. I've been working and writing in my spare time. I've been thinking a lot about you. Both of us have."
"Both of you?" Her forehead crinkled and she looked down at the floor pacing again.
"Marie and I?"
"Marie has been thinking of me? Really." She smiled a sarcastic smile. He heard it through the phone.
"Yes, she has. Is that so hard to believe? To believe that she cares about you?"
"Yes it is, actually. She hated my guts and made every visit to see you a living hell. You know this." Kat told him a hundred times when she was much younger but he never believed her. Still doesn't.
"I know there was conflict but- let's not talk about this now. I miss you a great deal and was wondering if maybe the next time you had some time you could come out here?" this was hard for him to say, but why? Why is it so hard to ask your daughter to come visit? She's done it dozens of times since she was five.
"Daddy, it's going to be at least six months before I get vacation time. Why don't you come out here? When was the last time you were in Portland, OR?" This was hard to ask as well. Only because she had never asked her father for anything other than an ice cream from McDonald's when she was eight.
"It's been at least twenty five years. It's an idea. Let me talk to Marie and see if she feels up for a cross country road trip." His voice was in a good tone.
Kat rolled her eyes. Of course. Marie had to give the ok. Her mysterious 'sickness' that only came up once a year in the week that Kat was usually scheduled to come up, causing a postponing of the trip or (which is what usually happened) a cancellation. "Yeah. Talk it over with her; see how she's feeling." He could hear her insincerity.
"If she doesn't feel up to a road trip, then I'll go alone, ok? Don't worry; I sure feel like one. It's been a long while."
Road trips were the only pastime her father and she shared. They drove all over the midwest together every summer. Those two months out of the year that they got to see each other were spent inside a car, just the two of them. "Maybe we can drive all over Washington. A new state to conquer together. What do you think?" She smiled at the realization that these promises of visits were empty. Just like before.
"That sounds like a lot of fun, Sweetheart." He looked at the floor with the saddest face you ever saw an old man make. She could hear it.
"Yeah it does, Daddy. But, hey! I have got to get out of these work clothes and shower but you call me as soon as you talk to Marie, ok? Love you." She couldn't take it anymore. The lie.
"I will. And, Kat?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you too." He was on the verge of tears. She could hear it.
"Bye, Daddy. Talk to you soon?"
"Yeah, Kat. Yeah." He hung up and she looked at her phone as though she were grasping onto the conversation that was already over. She frowned. What a strange conversation. They were never this strange. Is this another side effect of adulthood? So far all the side effects sucked.
She threw the phone on the bed and reached into her purse. She grapped the want ads out with the one circle and the circles with Xs marked through them. She sighed and tossed it onto the counter. Outside the city lights became brighter as the sun set lower and lower. Oregon Convention Center? Where did that come from?Like it was easy finding work.
She leaned down into her purse and pulled out the tossed out half of a cheeseburger she nabbed out of you don't want to know where and began eating dinner without even a hesitation. No one said this move was going to be easy. Actually no one told her anything. They didn't know she was leaving until she had already left.
What a strange conversation. They were never strange.
Monday, December 18, 2006
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